One Step

First I must begin, then in beginning I find another step. In that step lies the next, and so it becomes easier. 

But it’s the first step isn’t it? That’s the trick.

Am I willing to risk that first step?

Am I willing to risk the fall, risk the ridicule, risk the incredulous looks and disbelieving stares?

If it were to all crash apart and fall tumbling down in a cacophony of wailing and despair, if my heart were to be crushed and my body and soul broken down, if I lost everything I own except my skin and my heart, would I still take that step?

Would I take the leap if I could see ahead and witness the toil and work that I must bear?
Would I take the step if I knew how my heart would be cut and scarred?
Would I still choose “yes” if I knew how many times I would be forced to say “no”?

So, here I stand, still unsure. Still weighing the cost. But I must make a choice. Soon.

My heart rate speeds up as my decision comes closer. My breathing quickens, my palms become sweaty, and my stomach flips.

Here I stand, in fear and trembling, knees knocking as I hear the clock ticking each second away.

I worry over everything, every possible scenario plays out in my mind, and I see a thousand different ways my life could end up in a miserable place.

I can’t take it! I can’t stand it! How I wish I knew everything—that I could see ahead and choose my path based on what I see. How I wish I knew I was making the right choice. How I wish I knew I would survive the leap.

Then I remember.

Haha! I remember!

My God! You are FOR ME! You are filled with love for me! The Creator of All Things finds joy and worth in me! You bled and died so you could be with me! God of all things became a man of suffering just so I could be brought back into His arms. Amazing grace.

And now suddenly every decision boils down to one. Will I trust you?

YES! Lord YES! I trust you—help me trust you better!

Whatever may come, whatever befalls, if you are my all, then I am victorious in it all. For my victory lies in You, and you are in me, so where is death’s sting? What can stop my joy? I already have it all!

I may be broken and bruised, my body and soul torn and tattered. I may bear terrible burdens and face disheartening odds. The world itself may turn against me! Yet still I am sure of this—Lord, you love me. So what does the rest matter?

Why worry about every other thing. I have my treasure.

So this step that had my knees knocking and my stomach in knots now looks like what it is. A step.

And here I go…