Switching things up & a new poem

Hello!

I want to apologize first, before I write anything else, because I've decided to switch up the content of my posts here. I had been intending to use this to keep track of day to day events, keeping people up to date with my journey to Japan. I'm sorry that I haven't been doing so well with that. However, I've found that I really don't enjoy writing about the nitty-gritty of what I do—it doesn't seem very significant to me. I will probably post some things about the day to day from time to time, however, it will be less often than I had planned at first and much less than what some of you may have expected.

So, I have decided to just write what I want. This will include more poetry, thoughts about God, and, in general, more creative writing. I think this will be better in two ways:

1) I enjoy it more, so I will probably post more

2) Though you won't get as many details about my trip, you may read more about what God has been teaching me/what I've been thinking, and so learn quite a bit about what I am experiencing anyways.

To start it off, here's a poem that I wrote a while back. One of the great things of being on missions with Cru is that they allow for us to take one day each month to spend all day with the Lord. I spent 5 hours of that day last month walking along a river close to our apartment, listening to worship music. When I made it back home, I wrote this poem, out of pure thankfulness in God, and all that He has done in my life. I hope you read it and can say that you can identify with the joy in the poem!

In Wonder

This feeling welling up within me
Is it real or simply momentary
When my heart twists up inside
I can’t stand it, I can’t take it
But let me stand here in wonder
Let me drift away this time

You are the one I need
You are the one who frees
Me from all of me
To let me believe

It is finished
You won life for me
It is written
Victory guaranteed
Hallelujah
May I always sing

In complete adoration I stand
Amazed by the strength in your hand
Then you sweep my off my feet
I can’t stand it, I can’t take it
But let me stand here in wonder
As forever washes over me

You are all I need
You are the one who frees
Me from all of me
To let me believe

It is finished
You won life for me
It is written
Victory Guaranteed
Hallelujah
May I always sing

You have done this
You have made this true
You have done this
You have made me new
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
May I always sing

2nd Update from Tokyo!

  Sorry for the delay in posting! Still working on getting into a routine—I think I’m getting closer now. (No promises though! =D )

  It’s been a little over two weeks here already! It’s only been two weeks?? Time feels like its flying, but it probably has more to do with the fact that I am way busier than I have been in a while. I think there’s been one day so far where I actually haven’t gone anywhere or done much of anything!

  We've finally gotten a schedule figured out, though it won’t really start until next week (one of the colleges we will be going to doesn't actually start classes until next week!). Still, it's nice to have some kind of idea as to what we can plan for each week.

Though there's so many things I could write about from the past two weeks, let me just touch quickly on two. 

  Over the first weekend we wanted to do something tourist-y, and attempted to go to Sky Tree, a fairly new tower built in Japan--one of the tallest in the world. Unfortunately, the weather did not cooperate. We wandered around the nearby shops and ate at a nice restaurant, but didn't go up the tower. Hopefully we will get a chance to go back later!

Sky Tree covered in clouds
Taken during one of the few times the clouds weren't so low. Still can't see the top at all!

  One of my favorite things we've gotten to do so far has been to go to the weekly meeting for Japan Cru (or Student Impact—SI from here on) the past two Fridays. It’s a time when Christian students around Tokyo gather together to have a time of worship and fellowship. They also spend time learning how to help build God’s Kingdom here in Tokyo. It's been a lot of fun meeting with them and hearing their stories. Even if the scale is smaller than some places in the world, God is definitely working here!

Here's a great pic of us with the students who were at the 1st week's meeting!

Students taking notes about SI's vision and plan to reach more students

  It's definitely a great encouragement to me to see Japanese students worshiping God and learning how to reach out to their peers with the gospel. Sometimes, when trying to share with people here in Japan it can feel like the Japanese people don't want or even need God, but seeing them so passionate about Him really motivates me to keep doing what we're doing. Even though in places like Japan (or America) we can easily begin to think that wealth, comfort, and good times are all we need, when we really meet the Lord we quickly realize how shallow and hollow all the things of this world are compared to being in His presence and experiencing His love.

Well, I will leave it at that for now. Please continue to pray that more Japanese people would come to know Jesus. Pray also for the Christian students here to be filled with a passion and desire to share the gospel boldly with their friends and classmates!

"Home" Again!

Hello everyone! Hallelujah-- I made it to Japan!!

It was a full day of travel—left my home at 5:30 in the morning, got on an airplane at 7 from Orlando, 4 hour flight to Denver followed by a 3 hour layover and then a 12 hour flight to Tokyo. Finally, after a two hour drive from the Airport we made it to the apartments we will be living in for this year. I maybe slept for two hours the entire time. Whew!  =D

The apartments are small...really, really small. Really small. haha! This is going to be interesting… Here’s some pics of the place!

 

View of our Apartment from right inside the door!
You can see, barely, on the left side our washer, small kitchen (two top stove and sink), and just beyond that is a small fridge. Yep! Super compact--Tokyo Style!

Our Sink/Shower Room
(This was the first door on the right of the previous pic. The second door on the right is our toilet)

From the other end of the apartment. The back window to the front door!

Another shot of our bedroom/living space!

On the plus side—not much space to clean either! :)

Thank you everyone who has prayed for me on this trip, thanks to all of you who are supporting me and making this possible. God has been good. 

We're now getting ourselves organized--learning the area we're staying in, and preparing to start the work!

It's so great to be back in Japan!! 

Hey everyone!

Wanted to let you all know how things are going as I am preparing to go back to Japan! God has brought in 76% of the support that I need in order to spend a year working in Japan, and I just have 6 days left to see that last 24% come in.

So, why should you give? What's the point?

Hanging out with students I met last summer at Waseda

As many of you know, and as I've shared before, the number of Christians in Japan is less than 1% of it's total population. Most people have never even heard of Jesus, or if they've heard the name, they have no idea who He is and what He is about.
I want to go and share my faith in Christ, because I believe many Japanese want to hear it. I believe it offers the hope and joy that they are looking for. Jesus gives life, and gives peace amidst all the struggles of home, the pain from broken relationships, the terror of natural disasters, and from the expectations of success that are placed so heavily upon their shoulders. He wants to love them, but they don't even know who He is. I want to go and tell them that He is Jesus, and there is nothing more that they need to do except to love and trust Him.

Partying with ICU Highschool students!

These two pictures show a small sample of the students I was able to meet last summer during my 5 week trip to Japan. It was such a blessing to be able to go last summer and share our lives with each other. I pray I was a blessing to the students that I was able to meet. I know that the students I met were a blessing to me.

So please consider giving me the opportunity to go and invest in their lives for one more year. This is about more than just a trip to Japan, it's about the great commission, and about preaching the gospel to everyone, so that all may know of our wonderful Savior.

If you want to give, just go to http://give.cru.org/0730469 and if you have any questions please email me at benclark3107@yahoo.com!

Looking forward to serving in Tokyo soon! Thank you for reading this and considering helping me get there.

-Ben

Why Japan?

            I figure I should write something more real about Japan, something to explain my wanting to spend an entire year over there without a typical job. Something to explain me quitting my job here and moving back home to raise money in order to go. (Sorry--It got a little long!)

And where else can I start but with this: I love Japan!

I can’t really hide it, I am biased. But Japan, the nature and the people, I love it all.

Let’s start with the land itself. From Mount Fuji rising tall and powerful over everything all year long, to the vivid pink leaves flowing softly down from the branches of cherry blossom trees in the spring. From the snow covering everything up in the cold of Hokkaido up north, to the beautiful beaches and sunshine on the southern island of Okinawa. From the evergreen trees covering the numerous mountains across the land, to fields of flowers here and there down below.  I love every aspect of it, and have cherished the different times I've gotten to spend out in it.

Then there are the people. Generally, Japanese people are kind, quiet, and reserved. The young respect the old, and the old are kind to the young, and a elementary school child can go to school by themselves on the public train without fear. While most Japanese are silent and will not talk to strangers, once approached, many of them are quite friendly and helpful—never fear to ask for help in Japan, most people will go out of their way to assist you. So awesome!

So why do I go to Japan? Is it because it’s such a nice place to live? Is it because I’m comfortable there? Is it because the people are easy to get along with? Maybe that's all a part of it, but it’s more than that.

The real reason I go is because I've lived there and I've experienced the parts of it that aren't so great. I've felt the way you can be squashed in a mass of people on a train, and still feel so terribly alone. I know what it’s like to work so hard to succeed and at the end of the day wonder why it matters, and if it will ever pay off. And, I've been on several trains that had to stop because it hit “something” that had jumped in front of it, and realized I was more frustrated to have lost minutes of my time rather than feel any sorrow over that “something” that just ended his or her own life.

That loss of purpose and meaning is a feeling that is very common in Japan. People work hard and do their best to succeed to please family, friends, and maybe even themselves. And so as long as things are going well, life seems good and enjoyable. But once they fail, and if they can’t keep up the lifestyle that they had built around themselves, everything comes crashing down. They often feel empty, because their whole life was built up around material things and comfortable relations that don't last.

But I found someone who never fails. I found someone who stays by me and brings me joy even when my friends have all left me. I found someone that gives me purpose for everyday regardless of how well I do or if I succeed or fail. I found someone that cries when a life is lost, even though no one else seems to care. He’s broken through my hard heart, and He’s waiting for the right time to break through the hard hearts of the Japanese people.

I don’t know what I can do this year. I don’t know how much I will accomplish. But the Japanese people are looking for truth. They’re looking for hope. They’re looking for joy. They’re looking for something more than just the latest fashion trend or newest hit music group, because they've realized it’s not enough and will never be enough.

So I’m going to Japan because I know Jesus. I know what He’s done in my life; how He’s filled my lonely moments with comfort, how He’s brought joy in the midst of sorrow, how He’s brought peace in moments of anger and worry, and how He loves me always.

I’m going to Japan because I love Jesus, and I love Japan, and I want the Japanese to also have the chance to be loved by Jesus and to love Him.

One Step

First I must begin, then in beginning I find another step. In that step lies the next, and so it becomes easier. 

But it’s the first step isn’t it? That’s the trick.

Am I willing to risk that first step?

Am I willing to risk the fall, risk the ridicule, risk the incredulous looks and disbelieving stares?

If it were to all crash apart and fall tumbling down in a cacophony of wailing and despair, if my heart were to be crushed and my body and soul broken down, if I lost everything I own except my skin and my heart, would I still take that step?

Would I take the leap if I could see ahead and witness the toil and work that I must bear?
Would I take the step if I knew how my heart would be cut and scarred?
Would I still choose “yes” if I knew how many times I would be forced to say “no”?

So, here I stand, still unsure. Still weighing the cost. But I must make a choice. Soon.

My heart rate speeds up as my decision comes closer. My breathing quickens, my palms become sweaty, and my stomach flips.

Here I stand, in fear and trembling, knees knocking as I hear the clock ticking each second away.

I worry over everything, every possible scenario plays out in my mind, and I see a thousand different ways my life could end up in a miserable place.

I can’t take it! I can’t stand it! How I wish I knew everything—that I could see ahead and choose my path based on what I see. How I wish I knew I was making the right choice. How I wish I knew I would survive the leap.

Then I remember.

Haha! I remember!

My God! You are FOR ME! You are filled with love for me! The Creator of All Things finds joy and worth in me! You bled and died so you could be with me! God of all things became a man of suffering just so I could be brought back into His arms. Amazing grace.

And now suddenly every decision boils down to one. Will I trust you?

YES! Lord YES! I trust you—help me trust you better!

Whatever may come, whatever befalls, if you are my all, then I am victorious in it all. For my victory lies in You, and you are in me, so where is death’s sting? What can stop my joy? I already have it all!

I may be broken and bruised, my body and soul torn and tattered. I may bear terrible burdens and face disheartening odds. The world itself may turn against me! Yet still I am sure of this—Lord, you love me. So what does the rest matter?

Why worry about every other thing. I have my treasure.

So this step that had my knees knocking and my stomach in knots now looks like what it is. A step.

And here I go…

For Such a Time as This

Why are you here?

What is your purpose?

Ever asked these questions? I have. And as a 23 year old with no real career plan in sight, I constantly wonder if I may be missing it. When thinking ahead about being in Japan for a year, I used to frequently question if this is really what I should be doing with my life. How am I supposed to know?

The bible mentions several times that we are created specifically by God for something. He knows us and what our lives will be like before we are even thought of by our parents (see Psalm 139:13-16).  Ephesians says that, “…we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).

In the book of Esther, Mordecai tells Esther in the midst of her doubt and uncertainty, “And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).  

As I go off to Japan, one thing that had never crossed my mind—until a blessed friend recently pointed it out to me—was how I am specifically designed and set up to succeed in my new journey. That I have been created for such a time as this. Every step I've taken in life has not been in vain; and every tear, every joy, has built me up to position me to walk into this next step.

My friend began to list a number of ways in which I have been pre-equipped for this adventure:

I grew up in Japan, so I grew to love the culture, learn the language, and understand the people.
I have had to work hard through college, juggling both full time schooling, with working 25+ hours a week.
I have been promoted to a leadership role at Panera Bread, which has helped prepare me to step up to lead our small team going to Japan.
I have spent the last two summers going back to Japan and doing shorter works there, helping me get a feel for what to expect for the next year.
And I have grown up in the care of two amazing parents who have shown me by example what it means to live for Christ.

So now I feel totally capable and competent, right?

NO! At first, the fact that God may have set my life up for a purpose like this is a terrifying thought to me. For it seems to place such great burden onto myself and what I can do. And I know myself. I know I cannot perform as I ought. I am never able to live up to all the expectations of people, let alone God's expectations. I will never be that good.

On my own strength.

But….

It is not I that live but Christ that lives through me (Galations 2:20). And where I fail, His plans still succeed. Where I stumble, He lifts up. Where I cower and hide, He remains strong. Where I run, He chases me and brings me back into His embrace. How beautiful is our God!

Therefore, I step forward. Not because I feel ready. Not because I am confident in my abilities or talents. But because God has led me here, and if He wants me to go to Japan, than I will go, leaning on Him the entire way.

And, who knows? Maybe He has prepared me for such a time as this. In which case, I definitely do not want to miss out on what He might accomplish in Tokyo this next year!

Leaves of Gold

How my heart wanders
Down twisted roads my feet can’t help
But follow, slow
How my mind races
Beyond broken branches and leaves of gold
Stumbling, alone.

When all along the sun
Shining down from above, pierces
yet undetected, I miss its guidance
And wander on, step by step in darkness

How long until I raise my eyes
glimpse the radiant, touch the bright
To bask in sunlight, yet I deny
Straight down, blind, unmoved inside

But Love took my face
Lifted deadened eyes upward anew
Now seeing, true
Radiance perceiving
Fresh air enters into my empty lungs
Life, begun

I believed all along
That life was in me, existing
Yet unlooked for I was shown
Life still waiting to enter into me

The weight, so unbearably great
Now gone, taken away
For it is not I that live today
But Love, supplying my strength

Still I wander
Down twisted roads my feet can’t help
But follow yet alone no more
And my mind still races
But see broken branches with leaves of gold
Finally, home.

Back to Japan (3) !!

Yes. I am going back to Japan again.
And yes, that 3 refers to the number of times I will have gone back--however, it is specifically referring to the number of times I have gone back not just to enjoy Japan, but to give back to Japan.

Yes. Japan is a place I am comfortable with, and it's a place I enjoy. However, it's also a place I want to help change.
Because I grew up there. Because I enjoy it. Because I find it comfortable to be there.
But also because I know the pain that hides behind the peace signs and the smiling faces in the photos. Because I've felt the darkness that can grow unseen there. Because I've seen the loneliness and the isolation, and because I've been on trains stopped by people jumping out in front of it and ending it all.

30,000. That's a statistic; the number of people in Japan last year who ended their lives on their own, before their time was fully up. Suicide. Birthed out of their loneliness, and the weight of the burdens of working and providing for family, and out of the desperation of a person with no reason to live.

1%. That's a statistic. About 1% of all Japanese people identify themselves as Christian. And while the main religions of Buddhism and Shintoism may promote good living and kindness, it cannot produce the supernatural joy that people seek, and that people need.

I went back in 2011 after the earthquake and tsunami, and my eyes were opened to the need for Christ in Japan, and the love I had previously carried for the land spread over to its people. I saw in that trip that, yes, they needed physical help. Or at least, a little bit. But more than that, I saw that they needed joy, and they needed hope. Buddhism can't give you hope, Shintoism can't provide any hope. Because these religions force the people to try harder to be good, and yet still can't guarantee happiness; either later in life, or even after death.
Only Jesus Christ can bring joy and hope for today, for tomorrow, and for eternity. Only Jesus' death cancels out all of our mistakes and failures, and only His life brings us to new life, today, tomorrow, and forever.

So yes, I'm going back. To a place I love, but also to a place that is broken and dying. I don't know what all I'll be able to do, but if I can even help share the good news with 1 person, it will not be a waste and it will bring glory to God. So I will go.

I don't know if or how you'd like to be involved with me in this God-sized task. But whether you ignore me completely, follow me, pray for me, or support me, this is where I am going, and this is why I am going. I hope you will join me on this adventure!

I'm going to be trying to post somewhat regular updates here so if you are interested in keeping up with me please feel free to follow or watch for updates I'll be sharing from this blog via facebook!