Psalm

Been struggling to connect with God on a deeper level recently, and today as I was having some quiet time, I was reading some Psalms, and wrote this, kind of in the manner of the Psalms.

A(nother) first step

If only I could feel your heartbeat

If only I could see your footprints in the sand.

Will life always be so unrelenting?
Is there ever more clarity to your plan?

Like David of old my heart cries out
Hallelujah! you are Lord
But at the same time I hang my head
as one who mourns

For I have seen your goodness

Your love captivated my heart
Yet now even as I worship
My history is crumbling apart.

So would you write your story anew in my life?

Open my eyes again to your glorious light
That I may praise you in the darkness with head held high
For your are I AM, you are always by my side.

This Heart

Hi all, felt like it was way past time for another post!

This is a poem I wrote while meditating on Jesus and his great labor of love.

This heart

Kept alive by that which they don’t understand
A power that they can’t see
This heart
Beating for that which lies ahead of me
A path tread in sorrowful peace
This heart
Aching for that which they can’t imagine true
Waiting for all to be complete

Steady love, keep walking forward today
Past pains will shine forever and future love will envelop you
Yet this too will drift away
Lost in the steady beat of a heart pressing through
For nothing in this world will stay
The heart that yearns for all to be perfect, new

This heart
Regardless of all that tries to twist and tear
Pushes deeper, further still
This heart
Seeking life yet discounting its own
Determined in its steadfast will
This heart
Looking neither right nor left at all
Walking steadily, faithfully, up that hill

Steady love, keep walking forward today
The task ahead will test you for all that you are
Yet this too will be for good
Up from the clutches of sorrow, pain, and scars
All will be made beautiful soon
This heart will shine forever more radiant than stars

This heart

Spent completely on that which was not worthy
This heart
Steadily ready to sacrifice all for what was nothing
This heart
Perfect in life, now after death more glorious and holy
This heart
In surrendering all found victory, in losing all gained everything

Steady love, keep walking forward today
For this heart is yours and still it beats for you

Letter from Father

Was sitting--worn out and tired--in my apartment in Tokyo one day this year, and felt like God was speaking this to me. I didn't hear a voice, but I felt like I caught His heart. It's a bit different from any previous posts, but decided to post it anyways. Feel like everyone could use this reminder every once in a while. We are so loved! ^^

My Dear Child,

                I have seen you run on and on for days, never taking a break or a rest. You keep pushing on and fighting. You know that I love your passion. I love your enthusiasm in life. I am so proud of how you keep taking that next step.
                But you don’t have to work so hard. You don’t need to always go until you collapse. I already love you more than you can know. I’m already more proud of you then you will ever realize. You’re precious to me and I love you more than words can say.
                So won’t you come to me some times? Won’t you sit in my lap and lean your head against my chest? Won’t you let me hold you close, and wrap my arms around you? Won’t you let me help you through it all? Dear child, I just want to walk through this life with you.
                Remember, I was the one who created you to work hard. I created you to laugh. To cry. To run. To live. I was the one who formed you—you’ve been in my thoughts since before I created this world. You were who I wanted to be with forever. I created you for love. I made you so that I could be with you, and I gave you a choice so that you could also choose to be with me.
                Did you know that when you’re hurt, all I want to do is run to you, pick you up, and carry you inside? When you experience heartbreak and sorrow, I want to wipe away your tears and turn your sorrow into laughter. When you lose a loved one, I want to shower you with my abundant love and peace. And it’s the hardest thing to know that sometimes the best way to help you grow, the best way to love you, is to let you stumble and struggle through those times alone.
                Because sometimes you don’t always see the big picture. Sometimes you can get too caught up on the present, and on the things that are happening around you in each moment. Sometimes you become blinded and consumed by your work, your friends, your games, and your activities. Sometimes you lose sight of me, and you begin to walk away. So sometimes I have to discipline you, and no, my discipline is not easy, but it is filled with love.
                Please, beloved, hear me say this—the hardest thing I’ve ever done is to create you knowing that you may turn away from me forever. Some of my children have already chosen to reject my love, and it hurts me more than you can know, more than you will ever know. Do you think I want to see them walk away? I was the one who made them! They have my image, their lungs are filled with my breath, their heart is shaped after my own heart, and yet they ran far from me. You cannot know the depth of my sorrow!
                So, my child, please do not follow them into darkness! Come home to me. My arms are open and all I have is yours if you will but ask it of me. So ask! You will be full. Ask and you will know love and know joy beyond anything this beautiful world I’ve created can give. More! Greater! Overflowing and Never-ending! My child, my child! How I love you, how I delight in you. Will you not listen to these words? Will you not come running back into my arms?
                I am waiting! I am always waiting. Just turn towards me and I will run to meet you. I will run to meet you and nothing will stop me from rejoicing over you whom I love. Dearest child, I love you with all that I Am. From forever until forever.

With All My Love,
                Dad

Osaka/Kyoto Trip

   For a week in March, my team and I were able to travel around Osaka and Kyoto, two very historical cities in Japan, and I thought I would post some pictures for you all.

   The trip was a lot of fun, and since I'd been to Kyoto a long time ago, it was also great to go back to some of those places and relive those memories. Japan is such a beautiful country--if any of you love nature and are mulling over places to go travel--come experience Japan! : )

Here's some pics of places in Osaka:

Osaka Castle

Mark and Jessica + Osaka City from Ferris Wheel

No idea....Japan! ;)

The Running Man--Apparently he is very famous. Yay! XD

Night view of Osaka City

Now some pics of Kyoto:

River close to where we stayed. The huge distinction between city and nature fascinated me.

Shrine where people write a prayer and then crawl through the small hole

Another type of shrine

Each little ball had a prayer/wish on it

"1 person laughs, 2 people laugh, everyone laughs, the world laughs. It is good to laugh"
Haha =D

People praying at another temple

Honen-in Temple

Ginkakuji Temple (Silver Pavilion)

Forget the name of this temple--but I loved this area!

Kyoto Castle
The floors inside this castle were made to squeak to prevent assassins from being able to sneak in.

Kiyomizu-dera Temple
Stands on a wooden structure that was made without using nails

View from below of the temple

Bamboo Forest

Ryoanji-temple
Zen rock garden

Kinkakuji-temple (Golden pavilion)

Stairs inside Kyoto station light up to make different pictures! 

View of Kyoto Tower from Kyoto station at night

Beautiful garden behind a Japanese house

There were so many places we visited where I just wanted to sit down and soak in the beauty of God's handiwork. I really love the green of the trees in Japan, and that balance they capture between nature and man-made things. I'm going to miss all the green again now that I'm back in Tokyo!

Will Return for Round 2 in Tokyo!

             As you all know, I have been here in Tokyo, Japan since September of 2013, doing a one-year internship with Cru. It’s been a roller-coaster of a ride, with some very definitely great experiences, and then quite a lot of not-so-great times as well (one of them, admittedly, being this blog T.T). Me and my team of 4 others have made so many friends in the half-year that we’ve been here, and will continue to get to meet a whole bunch more. We’ve seen God begin to open up new doors and opportunities, as well as learn what it means to wrestle with God through the dry season. I’ve learned how to let go of my own fears (somewhat), and speak with complete strangers, and I’ve learned to share my faith in Japanese. I’ve learned how to lead a team (and many ways of how not to lead a team), and have seen God use me to encourage and motivate them, as well as seeing God use them to bless me time and time again.  

            Well, with this one-year comes the option and opportunity to stay here and intern again for a second year. It’s something that we were challenged to consider during our mid-year conference. As I spent extra time and prayer over the idea, I decided that I would, indeed, re-intern, and I trust that it was God who led me to this decision.

             

            Here are the 5 main reasons that made me feel it best to return:

1)       I love Japan, and its people! This truly is an extremely unique country and culture, and it is such a blessing, though also a unique challenge, to serve God in this place.

2)       Though I have to be apart from my loving family and friends in Orlando (miss you all so much!), there is really very little else that would make me feel it important to return this year to America. I’m still in a unique place where I do have the ability to “give-up” one more year for the Lord (although, I do not consider it a loss, at all).

3)      I have been privileged to have been able to develop good relationships with many of the Japanese Campus Crusade for Christ staff, and would love another year to further those.

4)      I have seen how much there is still for me to learn and grow in my walk with Christ, and this is one of the best environments in which to do so. I have had to learn to trust God exclusively, for money, for ministry, for patience, for peace, for wisdom, for strength, for grace, and I want to continue to learn what it means to be fully Christ-dependent.

5)      I have learned a lot as a leader, and am excited to see God continue to use me and grow these small gifts that He has blessed me with.

             Granted, I can’t say that I have no doubts about the matter, and there are a lot of things that I already am dreading about being here in Japan for another year. Yet, I truly believe this is where God has been leading me, and I know that He will be with me through it all, whether it goes amazingly well, or even if it becomes one of the hardest and worst decisions of my life.

Thank you for reading this, for your friendship, and for your role in my life shaping up to what it is today. God bless!